Monday, February 9, 2009

Three Nephites Sightings

It's cold, it's rainy, you've got a flat, and find yourself ill equipped to deal with this escalating disaster. The kids are whining in the back seat, and your cell phone has just died. Hope is lost. In the distance, headlights. The distance closes, and what you can now make out as a beat up station wagon pulls up slowly behind your stalled Toyota Sienna. While you might be filled with dread, a feeling of calm floods your body instead, as a man exits his vehicle and moves towards the flat. Silently, and methodically, he changes the flat. Once finished, he moves back towards his own vehicle, pausing only momentarily to shoot you a quick glance over his shoulder and smile. As you stand there, wonderstruck, through the pouring rain you make out two other silhouettes in the other vehicle.

Congratulations, you were just saved by the Three Nephites.

The Three Nephites are the most well travelled do-gooders on the planet, sort of like a righteous version of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie without all the adoptions and sin. One part Cain from Kung Fu, one part MacGuyver, one part disciple, and 100 percent amazing, these three wanderers have been seen in every country, nation, and principality imaginable. Their tire fixing, road show saving, assault preventing actions are bound by no jurisdiction, and their only border is the four corners of the Earth.

Mormons know that random acts of service can only be perpetrated by other Mormons or crazy truckers. It is then understood that practically any act of anonymous service rendered has at least a 67% probability of being perpetrated by one or all of these three modern day Righteous Rangers. If two other men are standing mysteriously in the distance, this probability rises to nearly 93%.

If one of them winks knowingly as they walk off into the sunset, it is an absolute statistical certainty that the Three Nephites ministered to you in your hour of need.


Anonymous said...

"Mormons know that random acts of service can only be perpetrated by other Mormons or crazy truckers."

Heh, heh, heh. Nice.

Jeff said...

I was once saved from robbers by an Alaskan Malemute. Do they ever go about in canine garb?