Saturday, November 15, 2008

Predictable Blogging

Latter-day Saints have distinguished themselves far and wide throughout the Internet as bloggers extraordinaire. Despite there being, as of 10 PM this evening, exactly a hundred gazillion blogs by Mormons, they all neatly fall into one of the following six categories:

1. Missionary Blogs. Disappointed with church open houses that tend to be overwhelmingly attended by people who are already members, Latter-day Saints who are enthusiastic about missionary work have started to take their message out into the blogosphere, where their zealous, articulate testimonies are constantly reaching thousands of people who are already members.

2. Family Blogs. These blogs cover an incredible array of topics, running the entire gamut from family pictures and family stories to family memories and family recipes. They do, however, all have the distinction of having far more readers than either of the authors on this blog.

3. Apologetic Blogs. Because the real world problems of contention and scripture bashing just seem to magically disappear when you're posting anonymous comments to total strangers.

4. Intellectual Blogs. Wherein a lively assortment of pretentious personalities try to impress you with how many obscure things they know about church history, thus establishing that their "nuanced" testimonies are much cooler than yours. They may also display contorted posts trying to reconcile worldly trends with gospel principles without actually becoming worldly although they vaguely espouse things that are a bit worldly but technically eschew worldliness by professing piety which is actually kind of unspiritual but then....oooh, I'm getting dizzy.

5. Political Blogs. Although a majority of political blogs by Latter-day Saints harshly castigate anyone who is slightly to the left of a hypothetical clone based on DNA from Glenn Beck, John Galt, and the entire 1964 Republican National Convention, there are surprisingly many which slyly insinuate that a truly faithful church member must somehow be a communistic-type kind of social liberal without, you know, actually being a communist. Some blogs of this second type can also be classified under heading #4.

6. Sarcastic Humor Blogs. A sad, dreary little genre at the bottom of the bloggernacle barrel, Mormon humor blogs tend to be confusing, lame, and never, ever funny. *cough, cough*

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