Selling Things Door To Door (For Eight Months After Their Mission)

Return missionaries are among the strangest, most curious individuals among the Mormons. They are too awkward to have normal conversations with the opposite sex, and too spiritual to be much fun. Because they are living in a spiritual decompression chamber after their missions, many of them turn to bettering their financial situation, and nothing attracts a freshly returned RM quite like the allure of door to door sales.

The capital for the U.S. in door to door sales recruitment is the BYU Provo campus. Many return missionaries have reported reading a sign guaranteeing “20 dollars per sales appointment” on a light post around campus, blacking out, and suddenly finding themselves in a mass interview to sell Cutco Knives, not unlike a “Shanghai Surprise”. For up to 8 months after a mission, slaving away in the Texas heat to sell Living Scriptures dvds or pest control sounds like a novel plan to defer housing costs, buy an engagement ring, or simply have some cash to burn.

Observers of this phenomenon should note that return sister missionaries are rarely lured by the world of door to door sales, as they recognize, unlike their male counterparts, that it was the spirit that taught investigators while on their mission, and not their boyish charm and good looks.

Anyone concerned for the future well-being of an RM during this phase should rest easy, because after either one summer or 8 months in this work (whichever comes first) return missionaries will typically realize that burning through the ward directory to find customers is not nearly as compelling as sharing the gospel, and said RM will settle in to their business, pre-law, or dental tracks in college. Observers will also note that it is at about this time that RMs will log their first missed month of home teaching.